Chapter One – Dealing with the Grieving in General and by Gender
Friends, relatives, and neighbors are usually supportive at the time of a death and during the wake and funeral that follows. Food, flowers, and physical presence are among the thoughtful expressions. But after the funeral, many grieving people wonder where their friends are. In some ways they need support and caring from their friends even more when the reality hits and the long process of grief begins. Ways of helping grieving people are as limitless as your imagination. Some suggestions are:
Try to understand the grief process rather than be annoyed by it.
"I'm sorry" or "I care" is all that is necessary to say; a squeeze of the hand, a hug, a kiss can say the words.
Don't say: "You will get over it in time." They will never stop missing the person who died. Time may soften the hurt, but it will not just go away. There will always be a scar.
Listen, listen, listen. Talking about the pain slowly lessens its sting. Most bereaved persons need to talk. It is helpful for someone to listen. Try to become an effective listener.
Don't tell people: "It's God's will." Explanations do not console.
Encourage expressions of specific feelings: anger, guilt, frustration, confusion, depression, hate.
Be patient. Mourning takes time. People need you. Stand by them for as long as possible. There is no timetable for grief. Do not give a pep talk or suggest a timetable.
Talk about the good memories. They help the healing process.
Suggest that grieving people take part in support groups. Sharing similar experiences helps healing.
Be there caring, saying "I'm sorry" and helping in practical ways.
Sincerely ask, "How are you doing?" Bereaved persons can tell if you want to hear "fine" or if you really want to know.
Help bereaved to eliminate expectations as to how they should feel and when they will be healed.
Be approachable, aware, and interested.
Be accepting of the person, of his/her feelings, his/her confusion.
Acts of thoughtfulness-a note, visit, plant, helpful book, plate of cookies, phone call, invitation to lunch or to go shopping, coffee.
Be confidential with what is shared with you.
WHAT IS GRIEF?
GRIEF is the normal and natural reaction to loss of any kind.
GRIEF is the pain and desperate longing you feel when you lose someone who has given meaning and purpose to your life.
GRIEF is that silent, night life terror and sadness that comes a hundred times a day when you start to speak to someone who is no longer there.
GRIEF is the helpless wishing that things were different, when you know they are not and never will be the same again.
GRIEF is a whole cluster of adjustments, apprehensions, and uncertainties that strike life making it difficult to reorganize and redirect your energies.
GRIEF is like a long valley, a winding valley where any bend may reveal a totally new landscape.
GRIEF is the angry reaction of a man - so filled with shock, uncertainty, and confusion that he strikes out at the nearest person.
GRIEF is the aching your body feels when you long to hold your baby who died after such a brief life - and you just can’t anymore.
GRIEF is a normal and healthy sense of loss. The emotions involved are real, and they need to be recognized and expressed.
GRIEF is unique and unpredictable and each person will experience it in his or her own way.
GRIEF is a part of every life. Grief is no respecter of age or person.
GRIEF is an attempt to bring life back into focus after the lenses have gotten turned out of focus.
GRIEF is the entire range of naturally occurring human emotions that accompany loss.
GRIEF is pain. Grief begins with the first raw awareness of the change but then becomes a terrific struggle: a violent disputing of the facts, a striving for life again, a revising of terms by which we know ourselves, a surrender to despair, finally a conscious acceptance of the change. This is painful and difficult but when accomplished, it brings rebirth and growth.
Grief is your emotional reaction to a significant loss. The words sorrow and heartache are often used to describe feelings of grief. Whether you lose a beloved person, animal, place, or object, or a valued way of life (such as your job, marriage, or good health), some level of grief will naturally follow.
Anticipatory grief is grief that strikes in advance of an impending loss.¹ you may feel anticipatory grief for a loved one who is sick and dying. Similarly, both children and adults often feel the pain of losses brought on by an upcoming move or divorce. This anticipatory grief helps us prepare for such losses.
Friends, relatives, and neighbors are usually supportive at the time of a death and during the wake and funeral that follows. Food, flowers, and physical presence are among the thoughtful expressions. But after the funeral, many grieving people wonder where their friends are. In some ways they need support and caring from their friends even more when the reality hits and the long process of grief begins. Ways of helping grieving people are as limitless as your imagination. Some suggestions are:
Try to understand the grief process rather than be annoyed by it.
"I'm sorry" or "I care" is all that is necessary to say; a squeeze of the hand, a hug, a kiss can say the words.
Don't say: "You will get over it in time." They will never stop missing the person who died. Time may soften the hurt, but it will not just go away. There will always be a scar.
Listen, listen, listen. Talking about the pain slowly lessens its sting. Most bereaved persons need to talk. It is helpful for someone to listen. Try to become an effective listener.
Don't tell people: "It's God's will." Explanations do not console.
Encourage expressions of specific feelings: anger, guilt, frustration, confusion, depression, hate.
Be patient. Mourning takes time. People need you. Stand by them for as long as possible. There is no timetable for grief. Do not give a pep talk or suggest a timetable.
Talk about the good memories. They help the healing process.
Suggest that grieving people take part in support groups. Sharing similar experiences helps healing.
Be there caring, saying "I'm sorry" and helping in practical ways.
Sincerely ask, "How are you doing?" Bereaved persons can tell if you want to hear "fine" or if you really want to know.
Help bereaved to eliminate expectations as to how they should feel and when they will be healed.
Be approachable, aware, and interested.
Be accepting of the person, of his/her feelings, his/her confusion.
Acts of thoughtfulness-a note, visit, plant, helpful book, plate of cookies, phone call, invitation to lunch or to go shopping, coffee.
Be confidential with what is shared with you.
WHAT IS GRIEF?
GRIEF is the normal and natural reaction to loss of any kind.
GRIEF is the pain and desperate longing you feel when you lose someone who has given meaning and purpose to your life.
GRIEF is that silent, night life terror and sadness that comes a hundred times a day when you start to speak to someone who is no longer there.
GRIEF is the helpless wishing that things were different, when you know they are not and never will be the same again.
GRIEF is a whole cluster of adjustments, apprehensions, and uncertainties that strike life making it difficult to reorganize and redirect your energies.
GRIEF is like a long valley, a winding valley where any bend may reveal a totally new landscape.
GRIEF is the angry reaction of a man - so filled with shock, uncertainty, and confusion that he strikes out at the nearest person.
GRIEF is the aching your body feels when you long to hold your baby who died after such a brief life - and you just can’t anymore.
GRIEF is a normal and healthy sense of loss. The emotions involved are real, and they need to be recognized and expressed.
GRIEF is unique and unpredictable and each person will experience it in his or her own way.
GRIEF is a part of every life. Grief is no respecter of age or person.
GRIEF is an attempt to bring life back into focus after the lenses have gotten turned out of focus.
GRIEF is the entire range of naturally occurring human emotions that accompany loss.
GRIEF is pain. Grief begins with the first raw awareness of the change but then becomes a terrific struggle: a violent disputing of the facts, a striving for life again, a revising of terms by which we know ourselves, a surrender to despair, finally a conscious acceptance of the change. This is painful and difficult but when accomplished, it brings rebirth and growth.
Grief is your emotional reaction to a significant loss. The words sorrow and heartache are often used to describe feelings of grief. Whether you lose a beloved person, animal, place, or object, or a valued way of life (such as your job, marriage, or good health), some level of grief will naturally follow.
Anticipatory grief is grief that strikes in advance of an impending loss.¹ you may feel anticipatory grief for a loved one who is sick and dying. Similarly, both children and adults often feel the pain of losses brought on by an upcoming move or divorce. This anticipatory grief helps us prepare for such losses.
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